So this was my life...sleeping on a hardwood floor, not listening to anything, not allowed to use the bathroom without asking, I cant shower, I cant eat anything that's not given to me...I cant write anything on paper because he thinks that im writing about him, I cant have any friends, I dont have anyone to call...I am his beautiful nothing, his ghost slave, I didn't exsist, I was nothing to him and no one knew who I was...I was the invisible girl...quiet, sad, lonely, tired, and afraid. I didn't want to be alive I tried to kill myself a few times..I cut myself alot...I cried to God alot...I'd ask him why, why did you do this to me. I never got an answer back...but I met a few people, people that changed my life. They made me feel alive again, like I was a human, they told me that I should leave that I dont belong here with him. "He will never change" they told me that over and over. Finally one day I ran away, I told myself that I would never go back to him and that he could never love me or anyone else for that matter. I spent two months without him, he told me that he was sorry that he loved me and that he would never hurt me again. I believed him. I was vulnerable and I didnt think that I was that pretty i figured that this is how some women lived. I told myself that things would be better he told me that he wanted to marry me..that I was the love of his life. We got back together and things were ok for a little while. We still argued, the emotional abuse came back in less than a month.."No one loves you", "Fat piece of shit", "Your worthless, you will never be anything". "You are disgusting, I cant even look at you." "Looking at you makes me want to throw up." "You are just like your mother, why dont you go smoke some crack with her?" Mind you we were still having sex...and I loved him in a wierd way...but I couldn't ever have sex with him and not cry...i heard all of the horrible things he'd say to me during sex....I felt used. I felt dumb and I couldn't excape....the worst part of it is when I would have bruises on my eyes and people would say " What did you do to him that made him so mad?" LIKE IT WAS MY FAULT......It just hurt so bad that no one would listen to me and it made me feel so alone....

 We ended up moving a few times and started to work together....he of course was my boss. So not only did I get shit on at home for things that I did wrong there but I also got shit on at work for shit that I did and vice versa...He was constantly calling me retarded at work in front of other workers...he threatend to "lay me out" right on the floor in front of everyone. He was a sociopathic, lying, crazy mother fucker. He started with the new girl at our  work...hes 25 shes 17 it was a match made against company polocy. And a few lies and some test messages later I figured it out...they were seeing eatch other. The kicker was when he moved her in to his parents house....we were all there...and then the police came looking for her because her mother didnt approve....how romantic..lol well to make a long story short....They are now still together living in Ware massachusetts and I hope that she has alot of fun dealing with his crazy ass bullshit...I'll read about her in the paper somewhere its only a matter of time before he starts beating on her and controlling her every move....one night after he punched me a few times to the point of hospitalization I looked right at her and said to her. "You dont think he will ever hit you?" she replied.."No! he loves me." I said "Yea, I remember those days, does this look like love to you?" ....I ran away for the final time...Jan 1st 2009.... No one has called me retarded or put me down since...I am trying to get back to the way that I was before I met him....happy and confident...its been a long time since someone has told me that  I look pretty...its been along time since I have felt I belong...Im waiting for  a guy to hold me in his arms and tell me that im safe.....but thats going to take a while...